One of the myths in regards to the concept of "enlightenment" is that there is a big event, a sudden change - where one minute you are how you are now and then POW - you are enlightened, but it just isn't like that, in fact, if there is a sudden awakening, it takes time to learn how to relate to the world from the new way of being. Normally, there is a process of gradual movement away from form, (concepts of the mind) to the formless, from separation to unity.
I think that enlightenment is like a carrot in front of a donkey until you become enlightened to the realisation that there is no enlightenment. There is an ever deepening Awareness that transends experience, words and concepts.
My initial awakening happened suddenly through a series of tragic events in 1995. Life radically changed for me in a matter of moments then continued with the stripping away of life as I new it. These appeared to be swift and brutal events that I had no context for. Then in 1999 I met and found a teacher, although I had no idea that I was looking for one. When I met my teacher, he told me some very simple truths. I am all that I seek already, I have just forgotten and become distracted by the appearance of life. If I quiet my mind, which he gave me tools to use to do this, then I would enter a different space and if I followed this, regardless of what appeared to be happening outwardly, I would awaken and find the truth, my suffering would end and I would be home. The end of suffering sounded very appealing to me at that stage.
There was no guru worship necessary, no talk of manifesting new powers, no new beliefs or identities to create or believe in, no involuntary parting of my worldly goods, no rituals,
Just truth, in its simplicity.
I practiced in varying degrees but quite diligently for many years. I had an immense amount of spiritual experiences on all realms, some beautiful, some terrifying. I had incredible body pain, spontaneous body postures, could speak numerous unheard of languages, my body had the ability to do things it could not do before, I had visions, could tell the future, spontaneous healing abilities, so many incredible things etc....but none of these things were who I was, they were things that were happening. I would ask my teacher about them and he would always say, stay in the centre, don't get drawn into any of it. Mysticism is very different to returning to consciousness and can often act as a distraction. They are some of the most amazing human experiences one can have but they are just that, experiences. They come and go, just like the weather. Pay attention only to what remains, what field they appear in. Stay still, focus and be with what is. Let everything come and go and remain in the centre. There will be time for the world once you return to consciousness.
In 2012 there was a complete paradigm shift that altered every part of life. I had the sensation of losing the part of me that identified with being Julie. It seemed to just bubble up and dissolve. There was a non localised awareness that seemed to operate through the body. This was an extremely difficult mode to function in and took time to become accustomed to. I had to re orient myself with the world. Over time I put away all my previous years of training and professional credentials and started working as a healer trusting in what was unfolding moment to moment.
It took many years to navigate being this way. I had worked as a homeopath, energy healer, kinesiologist, sound healer and meditation teacher. I was really helping people awaken but something was incomplete in my experience. In 2018, there was another sudden and profound change which again, took time to integrate. I was able to function in the but not only of the body. The identity of an individual person was not the experience but neither was being so separate from the body. There seemed to have been in integration where function was restored with awareness expanded, resting in peace and stillness. The blending of "human and spiritual." There was a further and deeper embracing of all that arose as it happened without attachment to it happening to me, rather a state of allowing and surrender whilst fully functioning in the ever present moment of Being. Everything felt new, all old rules gone, all things had no meaning other than love and to be present in what ever was unfolding now.
It was another complete paradigm shift. This time there was movement to share the way, to help others understand that they are not merely the story of the mind. It became apparent that just by being with me, people were changing. More and more people came and more and more people were curious.
Each person has their own process of surrender, there is no time frame, no modality, no schedule.
I know that many people are desperately afraid of losing themselves and becoming nothing, boring...a smiling idiot and there are those that are looking for an escape or super powers. The more I surrendered to the moment, the more I let go, the more I trusted in something that was "outside" of my thinking mind, the deeper my experience became. You are no thing, but in that nothingness lies everything. I am ordinary, I have friends, a family, interests, a sole parent raising my children, I interact with many people, I love to laugh but throughout it all, I am being, surrendered to the moment in all its perfection, not judging what happens as good or bad, being with whatever is in all it entirety.
Embracing all that arises, open heart to welcome it all.
I can only tell you that you are not your mind, you are not your thoughts, you are not your body. You are timeless and eternal and you want to remember.
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