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Most of us have said, "its ok, I have it under control," at some point in our lives.
The truth is, we have never had control.
We have the illusion of control when things go the way we think they should and when they don't, we say we have "lost" control. Then we long for some sort of state that is beyond "all this", a state where we imagine we'll have control again.
Most of us seek a feeling of peace through control. We try and control things so we feel safe. When things are "going our way" we feel in control, which brings people the illusion of feeling peaceful. Actually, under all this is a torrent of fear and non acceptance. We are just used to the feeling and so we don't really notice it, or take the time to notice it. Self Enquiry is such a powerful tool to find these emotions, beliefs, motivations behind our behaviours etc that we have become blind to.
How much suffering does it bring when we feel "out of control" or that "things" are out of control? The most common term I hear is that it gives people the feeling of overwhelm.
Through much inquiry, I found that my overwhelm was not due to issues of control but really about arguing about what was actually happening. In essence, arguing with reality. If I felt in control, then I felt safe, I had things covered. Right?
When I took the time to question what I believed, what my mind was telling me was happening and enquire if it was true or not, I found that it wasn't true. I realised that by not listening to my mind, I stopped feeling all the feelings of overwhelm and loosing control and began to feel freedom. This feeling of freedom kept growing if I kept out of my mind. The more I began to question whether my thoughts were true or not...the deeper the resulting joy was. This joy stays if you keep away from your unhealthy thinking and need for control.
Here is the interesting thing, when we start to use self enquiry, when you question what you believe, you eventually come to see that you are the very enlightenment you are seeking all along. How fantastic is that? Its you! It is under all the misgivings and emotional baggage etc that we put over ourselves. When you come to love what is and I mean all of it, then you cease to be separate. While you view the world and all that are in it as separate from you, it is experienced as frightening, dangerous, something to keep at a distance. Once you remove the separation, fear ceases to operate and love takes its place and all is greeted as it comes, knowing that it is you in many different forms.
You may actually be able to see that you don't really have to control things, or make a strict plan a future etc again, that what appears in this moment is all that you have. The beauty in that is as soon as you are in it, it has gone too.
Oh... I hear the fear that statement brings... but believe me, if you start the journey, if you start to do the "work", the enquiry, the getting out of your mind and just being, you will find out for yourself.
None of this means you lay down and give up. I have had people say to me, "what is the point if I can't make plans, if I can't decide things?' That is not what it is about. Make plans, go for it but when they change, go with what is. Make a decision, but if things change, go with it. In order to stay with what is, you many need to change your plans, alter your path, change your decision if that is what is presented to you.
Many people argue that this is not having boundaries and being irresponsible and unreliable. I hear fear talking. I hear fear saying, that sounds dangerous, I won't have control, what if something happens that I don't like? I am more comfortable with the normal response, Fight, complain, resist what is happening. Refuse to look at alternatives, resist reality?
What will happen? Why don't you try going with what is actually happening rather than fighting what is happening for what you think should be happening? Give it a go, see if you find freedom in accepting things as they are and altering your actions in alignment. It will be interesting to see if that feels any different for you.
So try self enquiry. See where it is that you fight to have control over something you don't. See where you are at war with what is and start to accept that you are in an ever changing creation, without limits. Its truly liberating, its joyful to be in alignment with what is.
Drop the resistance and breath into now.
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